Validating caring for others
Cooley identified the phenomenon of the “looking-glass self,” which he said was when we believe “I am not what I think I am and I am not what you think I am; I am what I think that you think I am.”This kind of external validation has insecurity at its core, and Thornton says relying on it for information is very flawed: “We tend to forget that people judge others based on a myriad of influences in their own mind,” she says.“Often we are being judged and responded to in ways that have nothing to do with us at all.”For example, someone might assume things about you based on a bad experience they had with someone else who went to the same school, lived in the same city or even had the same first name.
It’s this feeling that makes our heart beat faster.
There is a very high price for this — in a form of not ever feeling fulfilled and happy.
The only real validation worth pursuing is validation of you for what you do, think, and say.
Basing your self-value on what others think also puts you in a perpetual state of vulnerability.
“Your self-concept has no true foundation,” she says.
From wanting a good review from your boss to checking the number of likes on your Facebook post, most of us care about what others think. Scientists found that babies’ emotions are often drawn from the emotions of those around them.